Those who have bird feeders may have noticed at some time the habits of birds from the Jay family. Jays are related to crows, and come in different varieties. The blue jay has beautiful shades of color, a long, rounded tail and a large crest on his head. But, despite the jay’s lovely appearance, as soon as he arrives at the feeder, the other birds fly away. It seems that nobody wants to be with him.

Perhaps you have felt that way sometimes. Or maybe you have heard someone say after Sabbath school class or church, “Oh, I don’t like the children at that church. Not a single person spoke to me. I felt as unwelcome as a jay bird.”

Why are jay birds unwelcome? If you have ever noticed, the jay is noisy and selfish, and likes to pretend that he is boss over the other birds. So, when he comes around to the feeder and acts like the birdseed is meant more for him than anyone else, the other birds lose interest. Sometimes we, or others whom we may know, may act like jay birds. The person who complains of having no friends is often the cause of his own problem. He may go off by himself and expect everyone else to come to him. When they do come to speak, he may act snobbishly, answering roughly or with a know-it-all attitude. Or he may do all the talking and not let anyone else say much. Like the jay bird, he may actually be among the most intelligent of his species, but that doesn’t give him an excuse for having a know-it-all attitude. Nobody knows it all; we all have a lot to learn from others.

The Bible says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” Proverbs 18:24. If you want to have friends, there are several points to remember:

1) Show yourself friendly. Be the first to smile, the first to show an interest in others.

2) Be courteous. Do not be shy about greeting people, and always remember words like “Please,” “Thank you,” “Pardon me,” “I’m sorry.” Respect those that are older than you, addressing them as “Brother ——” or “Sister ——” if they are adults in the church. If they are not church acquaintances, address them as “Mr. ——” or “Mrs. ——,” not by their first names, unless they specifically invite you to do so.

3) Give others freedom to have their own point of view. To have friends, we must respect their right to their own opinion. Even if we feel that someone is wrong, we must speak to them kindly and pray for them.

4) Watch your words. Don’t talk behind someone else’s back if you would not like them to do the same to you. Gossip can ruin friendships.

5) Be not partial or a respecter of persons. Sometimes people go out of their way to be friends with a rich or popular person, while ignoring or snubbing one who is poor, ugly, old, or handicapped. But whom did Jesus befriend when He was on earth?