There are three ways by which the youth may form a family:

1. They get married by virtue of their simple decision, which reflects their mutual desire, known and accepted by them, based, in the majority of cases, merely upon what the natural eyes can see. In such cases, sooner or later, the two realize they have foolishly “taken the package for the goods.” In such families, mutual respect is lacking. (Remember the sad experience of Samson.)

2. The two get married solely on the advice of others (parents, brethren, friends). This can involve an abuse of authority on the part of the advisers, cowardice, or an abandonment or postponement of the responsibilities of the youth. The pair may later become inclined to blame their subsequent marital problems on those who thus advised them. Mutual respect is lacking in these homes, too.

3. The third way—the only viable one—is when the two are married by God Himself. Only when God unites the pair in marriage does the family formed on earth have its name from heaven. (See Ephesians 3:14, 15.) This is the faithful home where mutual respect and love abide.

After creating Adam, “the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:18. God fulfilled His plan; He made a woman—not just any kind of woman, but one who had this quality of “an help meet” for Adam, and He “brought her unto the man.” Genesis

2:22. Adam immediately marveled not so much at the perfection of his bride but at her amazing suitability to him, when he exclaimed, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” Verse 23. And “what therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Matthew 19:6.

So it was at the beginning! He, the God of the Universe and our Creator, looking at everything He had made in the six working days, included the human family in His declaration that “it was very good.” Genesis 1:31.

Though the tragedy of sin entered, mankind was soon to see that God, our Creator, has not only creative powers. He also has recreative powers! He is, by the sacrifice on Golgotha, a Re-Creator, even of the family.

Do we have courage to surrender everything to God, even the forming of our family by faith? Does God really know how to do everything in the best way possible? Surely, yes. What He begins He knows how to carry through.

In marriage, in the family life, it is very important to realize that at your side is the wife given to you by God Himself. Marriage is not a means of getting an infallible person, but the way of receiving a fitting helper given by God.

When we want to get married, we should not ask for a husband or wife who will never err, but rather we should expect to receive from God a husband or wife whom He considers to be the “help meet” offered to us by grace, due to no merit of our own. “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22. “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord.” Chapter 19:14. And any gift given personally by God cannot be other than good.

The wife that God gives you is the best one, because she is the most suitable helper to you. Certainly, there are plenty of other women who have fine qualities, too. But they are not the specific helper designed for you. One person’s qualities do not involve the chance of fitness as well, because fitness means that what you are missing can be completed by the qualities of your spouse.

By nature, women have a more affectionate heart; they are more sentimental, with a natural inclination to affection. But the Word of God does not tell the woman, first and foremost, to love her husband, but rather sets aside her natural inclination and speaks to her in another way: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22.

Whenever God looks upon the family, He does not consider the woman as the head, but rather the husband, because God is the One who has established that order.

This submission on the part of the wife is possible only where there is a certain consistent frame of mind: “Giving thanks always for all things unto God.” Verse 20. That means not only for some things, but for all, because “all things work together for good to them that love God.” Romans 8:28. And the one who loves God loves also the order established by Him in all of life’s aspects, including the home.

The inspired word underlines: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22. [Emphasis supplied.] This is an important aspect of submission, which may help those wives who doubt the need to submit themselves. The word says to submit yourself “as unto the Lord.” If you respect God, being convinced that He has authority and you are willing to follow His advice, then don’t forget that He is telling you: “Submit yourself to your husband as unto Me,” or “Submit yourself to your husband, because he is My representative before you; he is your head, and I am his Head.” If a woman does not see in her husband the ideal dream, she should seek the Lord in prayer. What grace and blessings would exist in the home if this divine order were taken into account! “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.” Verse 23.

Although this submission of the wife is part of the divine order in the faithful home, marriage does not destroy the individuality of the pair. The husband and wife become one flesh, but keep their own individuality. “We have an individuality of our own, and the wife’s individuality is never to be sunk into that of her husband.” 4 “Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other’s love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do.” 5

“But while you are to blend as one, neither of you is to lose his or her individuality in the other. God is the owner of your individuality. Of Him you are to ask: What is right? What is wrong? How may I best fulfill the purpose of my creation?” 6

“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.” Verse 25.

“Husbands should study the pattern and seek to know what is meant by the symbol presented in Ephesians, the relation Christ sustains to the church. The husband is to be as a Saviour in his family. Will he stand in his noble, God-given manhood, ever seeking to uplift his wife and children? Will he breathe about him a pure, sweet atmosphere?” 7

“When the husband has the nobility of character, purity of heart, elevation of mind, that every true Christian must possess, it will be made manifest in the marriage relation. ... He will seek to keep his wife in health and courage. He will strive to speak words of comfort, to create an atmosphere of peace in the home circle.” 8

Even in those cases when our wives may not be fulfilling the conditions by which to be loved, we as husbands should follow the example of our Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord Jesus was not looking at what the church was, but at what it could become in the future, through His love and sacrifice. “He gave Himself for it,” not because it was holy, but “that He might sanctify it,” not because it was clean, but “that He might cleanse it,” not because it was worthy, but to make it worthy. The church is not perfect. It is Christ that will make it perfect.

True love does not look at existing virtues, but at those that could be.

If you want your wife to have a quality that she does not possess, you have to love her, so that she will be empowered to attain that quality. If you say: “I don’t love her because she doesn’t have that quality” then you have understood nothing from the example of the Lord Jesus, who is the Head. He loved the church and gave Himself for it so that it may become as He wants it to be: “a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” Verse 27. This love does not constitute a mere declaration nor is it a mere feeling, but is the result of supreme sacrifice which through faith can achieve even that which is humanly impossible.

We notice that the husbands’ love for their wives is placed between two guide marks: a heavenly one (“as Christ loved”), and a human one (“as their own bodies”). “A part of man, bone of his bone, and flesh of his flesh, she was his second self, showing the close union and the affectionate attachment that should exist in this relation.” 9

The principle recommended in the Word of God to those who wish to establish a family, for a man to leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife, has its origin in the love between Christ and His church. For the sake of those whom He loved, “with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3), Christ left the heavenly family to rescue the human family “at the risk of failure and eternal loss.” 10

“Around every family there is a sacred circle that should be kept unbroken. Within this circle no other person has a right to come. Let not the husband or the wife permit another to share the confidences that belong solely to themselves.” 11

Before the birth of the children in the family, the members of the conjugal couple are called husband and wife. After the birth of the children, the two remain husband and wife, but they also get a new name with a heavenly resonance—parents, that is, father and mother. The parents have no previous personal experience in regard to the birth and bringing up of children. But though this new responsibility is now involved, we are still to keep the quality possessed before the birth of the children; we remain children of God, brought up and protected by God, to be able to bring up and educate, in our turn, the children given us by our Father, for His name’s honor and glory.

As parents, in this position, we are being brought up together with our children, because our children’s age expresses our age as parents as well. We are not parents by birth, but we become parents and are totally dependent upon God to train us in this sense.

The respect of parents toward their children and that of children toward their parents means respect toward God who has given them to us. The respect of parents toward the child begins before his birth, being first of all manifested through the forming of the family and its functioning according to God’s will, as presented earlier. Observing the principles of health reform has a very important role in this. (See Judges 13.)

“The character also of the child is more or less affected by the nature of the nourishment received from the mother. How important, then, that the mother, while nursing her infant, should preserve a happy state of mind, having perfect control of her own spirit. By thus doing, the food of the child is not injured, and the calm, self-possessed course the mother pursues in the treatment of her child has much to do in molding the mind of the infant. If it is nervous and easily agitated, the mother’s careful, unhurried manner will have a soothing and correcting influence, and the health of the infant will be much improved.” 12

The children are not our property, but God’s property, entrusted to us to educate to become members of the heavenly family. “Your children are God’s property, bought with a price. Be very particular, O fathers and mothers, to treat them in a Christlike manner.” 13

This thought should make us determined to be more serious in our attitude toward our children, to educate them, not merely train them as animals, to genuinely love and not spoil them. And if they make mistakes, we are to rebuke and punish them in love, not mock or be cruel to them. (See Proverbs 23:13; 19:18; 22:15; 29:15, 17.)

“A child may be so disciplined as to have, like the beast, no will of its own, his individuality being lost in that of his teacher....As far as possible every child should be trained to self-reliance. By calling into exercise the various faculties, he will learn where he is strongest and in what he is deficient. A wise instructor will give special attention to the development of the weaker traits, that the child may form a well-balanced, harmonious character.” 14

The atmosphere created in the family will influence the state of mind of the children. We are warned that “to a large extent parents create the atmosphere of the home circle, and when there is disagreement between father and mother, the children partake of the same spirit.” 15

As for the children, they are called to complete the sacred circle of the faithful home, manifesting love and respect toward their parents, to whom they have been entrusted. (See Ephesians 6:1–3.) The example of the most eloquent respect of children toward their parents can be found in the life and childhood of the child Jesus. “He spoke and acted as a child, honoring His parents and carrying out their wishes in helpful ways.” 16

When both parents and children follow God’s ways in the faithful home—each of them having a personal relationship with Jesus—then the family on earth will be a joyful taste of the heavenly family, where mutual respect is natural behavior.

So it will be at the end—Malachi 4:6. Amen.