It is deviation from God’s plan that has resulted in such confusion. Woman was created from man. God Himself declared that He took a rib from Adam to form Eve: “And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; and the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man” (Genesis 2:21, 22).

But worldly wisdom reasons that this could not be, since modern man still has twelve pairs of ribs and should be missing one through heredity. However, surgical removal of a body part is not inherited, and the Chief Surgeon was in charge of Adam’s operation. So instead of originating from the dust of the ground, woman is bone of man’s bones, flesh of his flesh. “And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Genesis 2:23). For this reason—that woman was made from man—when a marriage takes place, the newlyweds shall leave the parents’ home and begin one of their own. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

Thus the family unit established by God in the beginning is perpetuated. This arrangement leaves absolutely no flexibility to include homosexual marriages, intercourse without marriage, adultery, or any other perversion. The history of the creation of man and woman should evoke tender feelings of one toward the other. There should be no such thing as the “battle of the sexes.” Because the family was designed by God, it cannot be improved upon. Interference by anyone, either from without the marriage or from within, is a most serious breach and will have to be accounted for by those responsible. Jesus declared this in no uncertain terms, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6).

Notwithstanding, marriage has been corrupted almost beyond recognition by the human race at the instigation of the evil one. But God, who loves us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice of His Son and suffered an agonizing separation in His family in order that we might become a part of that family, can and will preserve the families of those who on earth choose His ways. First, we must understand how the human element is corrupted; the methods that Satan uses can and must be unmasked. If one is aware that a trap has been set, he is not as likely to fall into it.

There are three areas in which man must grow simultaneously—spiritually, mentally, and physically. If he falls behind in any one, he becomes unbalanced. These areas apply to all aspects of daily living, such as health, religion, labor, recreation, and so forth. The following are some examples:

If spirituality is omitted from health, one would forfeit access to the only One who can heal.

Leaving out the physical side to religion would negate the command to care for the needs of the widow, fatherless, and poor.

Omitting the mental aspect of labor results in adopting the attitude of an automaton.

This is what Satan is hoping for: Imbalance.

Now let us apply the three areas of growth to our topic of marriage:

That there is a physical bond to be honored only within the marriage vow is undeniable and proper. “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife” (1 Cor­inthians 7:4). It is here that we unfortunately approach a most common pitfall to a happy marriage; here lurks betrayal and disoloyalty so serious that it is used as a symbol of the betrayal of God by His people. (Please read the entire book of Hosea for deeper insight.) Yes, we are referring to adultery. This is one of the most prevalent sins in the world at this time. It is so commonplace that it is considered by many to be a sin that God “winks at” (see Testimonies, vol. 2, p. 449). But in truth, it is a grievous infraction of the law of God. Therefore, physical attraction should not be the number one reason for choosing a marriage partner if the marriage is to be a success. Relying on the physical aspect without the mental and spiritual arouses fickle, unreliable emotions. When these are in control, they will surely cause betrayal as they can be easily transferred to someone else. Physical attraction alone prompts passionate responses on a level with animal emotion. Passion is the basis of rape and murder. Destruction of human life is its essence if allowed out of control. Its influence can be overwhelmingly seductive.

The Bible tells the story of Tamar and Amnon in 2 Samuel 13:1–20. Amnon was physically attracted to his half-sister Tamar; he raped her and then hated her with as much hatred as he had once “loved” her. Amnon was then murdered for his vileness by Tamar’s brother, Absalom, who was then banished by King David, who was the father of them all. But the intrigue continues and Absalom conspires against David to take the kingdom from him. He had lost respect for David who had done nothing to punish Amnon at the time of his crime. One moment of uncontrolled passion and a whole kingdom became jeopardized.

“But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away” (Proverbs 6:32, 33).

So, is it wrong to feel emotion and attraction? No. There is such a thing as loving desire which is a positive emotion that builds up the marriage relationship. Emotions of themselves can be out of control—incontinence of feeling. But true love manifests sincere devotion and emotion under control, under principle. It reveals itself daily as in 1 Corinthians 13, always looking to benefit another, an attitude which is the basis of God’s kingdom.

“Love, lifted out of the realm of passion and impulse, becomes spiritualized and is revealed in words and acts. A Christian must have a sanctified tenderness and love, in which there is no impatience or fretfulness; the rude, harsh manners must be softened by the grace of Christ.” 1

A good question to ask yourself is, “What are my standards? Am I relying upon what I feel as the only thing that counts?” If so, you have identified a basic problem. Remem­ber, one element of the marriage vow is forsaking all others.

After the honeymoon, you probably will be spending the remainder of each day and night together after other obligations are fulfilled. This fact makes knowing each other beforehand an excellent idea. God says that to know Him is eternal life. “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (John 17:3). To know your spouse and agree with his/her way of thinking can mean happiness here. To find out after marriage that one ­doesn’t agree can make this life feel endless. This brings up a thoughtful point—if you believe you can change someone after you marry, you are not ready for marriage. You evidently see things that in your mind need changing. God alone changes people, and only if they choose to be changed. Perhaps it is you that needs changing.

There is much to be said for the joining of two lives together. Deci­sions now become a joint effort. Another point of view from another gender is very helpful in problem-solving. There will be problems, ranging from minor to major.

Marriage is designed to unlock the chain of selfishness. You must now be considerate of someone else’s time, effort, and plans. Sharing can be a blessing or a curse, depending on your attitude. A most marvelous opportunity to contribute to another’s happiness is now within your reach.

Appreciate what you have each day and show your appreciation. There is an old story about a couple who had been married for many years. One day, the wife asked the husband why he would never tell her he loved her. His answer was, “I told you so the day we were married. If I had changed my mind, I would have said so.” But was that really enough? Be loving, be verbal, communicate.

Why should one marry within one’s faith? In the conquest of Canaan, God gave His people specific instructions regarding the Gentiles, “Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. For they will turn away thy son from following me, that they may serve other gods: so will the anger of the Lord be kindled against you, and destroy thee suddenly” (Deutero­nomy 7:3, 4). This is reiterated in the New Testament with the words of the apostle, “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, and will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty” (2 Corinthians 6:14–18).

Certainly we have all seen this happen among our relatives or acquaintances. A man and woman from different faiths marry—and to keep peace, one or the other eventually makes concessions or forsakes his/her religion to join in worship with the other. After all, it is the same God, they may reason. But they forget that our Creator requires entire consecration to Himself. Our relationship with Him is an everlasting one. Those here are temporary. Why not avoid this problem entirely? Your earthly mate should be within the camp, or you are not required to have one.

There are changes to be made. If you are unwilling to consider changes as specified in God’s word, there will be no spiritual growth. Lack of spiritual growth in marriage results in restlessness and dissatisfaction, leaving a door open to a multitude of sins. Lack of spirituality in a marriage often multiplies these characteristics by two. If there are children, here again they increase proportionately. In fact, there is no peace nor satisfaction without God. Spirituality works changes in our lives through the love of God. As you grow spiritually, so also will your happiness in your marriage grow. There will be a deeper sense of commitment to each other, more tolerance and patience over mistakes. What becomes the norm at home soon becomes the norm outside the home. Spirituality is love, and love—if you let it, permeates the life.

Although the biblical guidelilnes are very clear, there will always be, sadly, unwanted and often surprising divorces. God hates putting away (see Malachi 2:14–16). That should be enough to deter even the most selfish. Changing marriage partners never solves the problem; it creates more. If a marriage union is so destructive that it becomes intolerable due to physical, mental, or spiritual abuse, it may be that living apart could be a solution. Remar­riage or adultery never is. The true solution for a troubled marriage is the same as that for all human problems—redemption, a new heart, esteeming others better than ourselves. Know each other, know yourself, know God.

While the information in this article may not be new and earthshaking, it is well to review and remind ourselves daily of those things which are basic in relationships.

Lord, we pray, please explain to us again about love and harmony in the universe and how we can become one with You and with each other. Amen.