“Abram said unto Lot, Let there be no strife, I pray thee, between me and thee, and between my herdmen and thy herdmen; for we be brethren (Genesis 13:8).

The conflict comes in varying degrees, from minor differences at the office (peace committees) to war and border disputes between nations. But one thing is certain, if you are in leadership of some kind, whether it be in the family, in the church, in the community or the government, you are going to have to deal with it! And if a reformer, you are going to have to deal with it seriously. Contention is not something you can treat casually. It is a deadly enemy. Note what the Scriptures and the pen of Inspiration say about it:

“Why dost thou shew me iniquity, and cause me to behold grievance? for spoiling and violence are before me: and there are that raise up strife and contention” (Habakkuk 1:3).

“The pride of thine heart hath deceived thee, thou that dwellest in the clefts of the rock, whose habitation is high; that saith in his heart, Who shall bring me down to the ground? Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, saith the Lord” (Obadiah 1:3, 4).

“While you make yourselves appear like the world, and as beautiful as you can, remember that the same body may in a few days be food for worms. And while you adorn it to your taste, to please the eye, you are dying spiritually. God hates your vain, wicked pride.”1

“I asked the angel why simplicity had been shut out from the church, and pride and exaltation had come in. I saw that this is the reason why we have almost been delivered into the hand of the enemy.”2

Allowing contention to go unchecked especially in the church, or in our individual life, opens the door to every evil work. Careful study of the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy reveals contention as a deadly enemy that must be stopped in our day-to-day life.

“Let men become lifted up in pride, and the Lord will not sustain them and keep them from falling. Let a church become proud and boastful, not depending on God, not exalting His power, and that church will surely be left by the Lord, to be brought down to the ground. Let a people glory in wealth, intellect, knowledge, or in anything but Christ, and they will soon be brought to confusion.”3

Men covet what they believe will increase their happiness. The Bible says it is proper to covet those things which would be to our spiritual benefit. But how important is to appreciate what we already have! The more we rejoice in what others possess, the happier we are now, and the greater is our capacity to enjoy that which we may possess tomorrow. “Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth” (1 Corinthians 10:24). Renowned writers have declared: “A contented mind sees something good in everything - fair weather in every wind, blessings in every storm.”

“If we cannot get what we like, we should try to like what we get.”

“A contented mind is a continual feast.”

“Fortify yourself with contentment, for this is an impregnable fortress.”

“Content is the philosopher’s Stone, that turns all it touches into gold.”

“Content is wealth, the riches of the mind; and happy he who can such riches find.”4

What promises has God given to those who try to make peace with others? “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9). In fact, as reformers who have received a high calling, we are expected to be peacemakers. “And my people shall dwell in a peaceable habitation, and in sure dwellings, and in quiet resting places” (Isaiah 32:18). But how possible is it to live in a world that is so full of strife and contention without being drawn into the conflict yourself? “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18). “Salt is good: but if the salt have lost his saltness, wherewith will ye season it? Have salt in yourselves, and have peace one with another” (Mark 9:50). If we are to claim heaven, we should bear the fruits without which we shall not see God. “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy” (James 3:17). “Let the peace of God rule in your hearts . . . and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs; singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord” (Colossians 3:15, 16).

“This was Christ’s practice. He was often assailed by temptation, but in place of yielding or being provoked, He sang God’s praises. With spiritual songs He stopped the fluent speech of those whom Satan was using to create strife. He sang with fervency and melody.

“When those who love God are tempted, let them sing the praises of their Creator rather than speak words of accusing or faultfinding. The Lord will bless those who thus try to make peace. Trust in God. Be careful not to give the enemy any advantage by your unguarded words. Keep looking to Jesus. He is your strength. By steadfastly beholding Him, you will be changed into the same likeness. . . .

“Be so considerate, so tender, so compassionate, that the atmosphere surrounding you will be fragrant with Heaven’s blessing. Do not discourage yourself and others by talking of defects of character. Talk of the light of which Heaven is full. Look away from the imperfections of others to the perfection of Christ. Praise wherever you can. Love God and those around you. Forget yourself. . . .

“Let joy and love and the grace of Christ perfect your character. Let a willingness to obey make your path bright. Believe, and receive to impart. Without a murmur or complaint lift the cross. In the act of lifting it, you will find that it lifts you. You will find it alive with mercy, compassion, and pitying love.”5

“ ‘Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him show out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom’ (James 3:13). My brethren and sisters, how are you employing the gift of speech? Have you learned so to control the tongue that it shall ever obey the dictates of an enlightened conscience and holy affections? Is your conversation free from levity, pride and malice, deceit and impurity? Are you without guile before God? Words exert a telling power. Satan will, if possible, keep the tongue active in his service. Of ourselves we cannot control the unruly member. Divine grace is our only hope.”6

“But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth” (James 3:14).

“The soul that is constantly looking unto Jesus will see His self-denying love and deep humility, and will copy His example. Pride, ambition, deceit, hatred, selfishness, must be cleansed from the heart. With many these evil traits are partially subdued, but not thoroughly uprooted from the heart. Under favorable circumstances they spring up anew and ripen into rebellion against God. Here lies a terrible danger. To spare any sin is to cherish a foe that only awaits an unguarded moment to cause our ruin.”7

“Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves” (Philippians 2:3).

One day I attended a religious meeting in a city hall. A minister held this meeting, and for the whole week, I never missed any of his sermons. The scripture above, Philippians 2:3, was the theme. After the meeting and the minister were gone, I began to question myself a lot, because my life was full of agitation and conflict. When I was a boy, I fought over everything including my dog and cat. I fought even my bed - I was always fighting. When I was about seventeen years old, I wanted to silence everyone regardless of age. When I was bicycling, driving or running, and someone from behind would pass or overtake me, I made a challenge with him right then and there. And if I were laughed at, as if being mocked, that always started a fight!

Strife was in the blood. When I was a teenager, it never took much provocation for me to end up in some kind of contention with someone. At football matches for instance, and meetings in social clubs, I would look for opportunities to fight. I would try saying something ugly about the team I did not favor and then watch all the opponent spectators’ ears roll up. Then I would hope some fellow in the other camp would say something about it so that maybe I would get to hit him! I was pretty much a slave to strife until I made a thorough and prayerful consideration of Philippians 2:3.

With the Bible as a light in my path and Christ as my pattern, I could relate to the sentiments of Sister White when she wrote: “I saw that many measure themselves among themselves, and compare their lives with the lives of others. This should not be. No one but Christ is given us as an example. He is our true pattern, and each should strive to excel in imitating Him. We are coworkers with Christ, or coworkers with the enemy.”8

“Humility is like a tree, whose root, when it sets deepest in the earth, rises higher, and spreads fairer, and stands surer, and lasts longer, and every step of its descent is like a rib of iron.”9

“Humility is, freedom from pride and arrogance; lowliness of mind; a modest estimate of one’s own worth.” It implies a sense of one’s own unworthiness through imperfection and sinfulness, and consists in rating our claims low, in being willing to waive our rights, and to take a lower place than might be our due. It does not require that we underrate ourselves or our lifework. The humility of Christ was perfect, yet He had a true sense of the importance of His life and mission.”10

When I grew to maturity, I gave myself to Christ in the large Seventh-day Adventist Church. Even after surrendering myself to Christ, things did not work the way my Saviour would have loved it to be, because I simply changed the jersey and position of play, yet I was still the same person. I was still a slave of strife. The only difference was that this time I fought with my mouth and my tongue instead of my fist. I spoke strong and bad words that packed a more powerful punch than my fist ever did. Instead of punching the person in the face, I hit him or her in the heart and that was much more devastating.

How strong and harmful is the careless use of the tongue? James in his epistle likened it to a fire: “Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be” (chapter 3:5-10).

A fractured bone will heal in just a few weeks, but a wounded spirit will continue to produce bitter feelings until someone reaches in there with the love of God to heal it. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” Here we see the great influence that the mind has on the body. Cheerfulness is conducive to life and health; sorrow, care, anxiety, and worry tend to disease and death. “Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad” (Proverbs 17:22; 12:25).

“Thy words were found, and I did eat them; and thy word was unto me the joy and rejoicing of mine heart” (Jeremiah 15:16).

As a slave to strife, even after I was married and blessed with children, what I could not understand was why I spoke more harshly to my family than to anyone else. It seemed that no matter how hard I tried, I could not speak a kind word to them. I criticized Chansa (my wife) in everything she did, whether good or fair. The way I spoke to my children was no better. I did not want to cause emotional harm, but I just could not help it. I had a well-developed habit of speaking harshly and did not know how to change it.

One day while we were sitting in the living room as a family, my wife asked me a very striking question which pressed my soul. She said, “My dear, do you really love me? Do you also love these children?” I did not respond to her question; what I did was simply leave and retire to the bedroom. I tried to sleep, but it was difficult because time and time again the question came to my mind. “Do you love us as yourself?” Then my mind would answer: “My wife knows that I love her and that I love the children, too, because I have done and I do everything to satisfy their needs. She has a beautiful car. The children have their own car and a driver to take them anywhere they want. I have furnished the house - it is a mansion. We have house servants. But why are they asking me as to whether I love them or not? They must have been discussing something about me.” All this I kept on saying to myself the whole night. I could not sleep. At 2:00 a.m., I woke up, and went into the living room. By then I had only five hours left before I had to get to the office. In the sitting room there was a book left on the floor. I picked up the book and said to myself, let me read this book, maybe it will help me sleep. I looked at the cover of the book, checked the author and all of a sudden I turned to pages 386 and 387 of The Ministry of Healing and additional lines extracted from volume 3 of Testimonies for the Church: “Home should be made all that the word implies. It should be a little heaven upon earth, a place where the affections are cultivated instead of being studiously repressed. Our happiness depends upon this cultivation of love, sympathy, and true courtesy to one another. The reason there are so many hardhearted men and women in our world is that true affection has been regarded as weakness and has been discouraged and repressed.”11

“Above all things else, let parents surround their children with an atmosphere of cheerfulness, courtesy, and love. A home where love dwells, and where it is expressed in looks, in words, and in acts, is a place where angels delight to manifest their presence.”12

When I finished reading the passages, I realized that I could hardly remember the last time I had said something kind to my wife and children. That was when I decided that I had to change some things, but how? “By looking constantly to Jesus with the eye of faith, we shall be strengthened. God will make the most precious revelations to His hungering, thirsting people. They will find that Christ is a personal Saviour. As they feed upon His word, they find that it is spirit and life. The word destroys the natural, earthly nature, and imparts a new life in Christ Jesus. The Holy Spirit comes to the soul as a Comforter. By the transforming agency of His grace, the image of God is reproduced in the disciple; he becomes a new creature. Love takes the place of hatred, and the heart receives the divine similitude.”13

I fasted and asked the Lord repeatedly, how do I change my behavior that has been part of me for so long? I was directed to the Bible and the Spirit of Prophecy. “Do not treat your children only with sternness, forgetting your own childhood, and forgetting that they are but children. Do not expect them to be perfect or try to make them men and women in their acts at once. By so doing, you will close the door of access which you might otherwise have to them, and will drive them to open a door for injurious influences, for others to poison their young minds before you awake to their danger.”14

During the time of fasting and reconciliation with my Saviour, I studied critically the words of Paul in his epistle to the Ephesians which says, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers” (Ephesians 4:29).