We do not want to be happy for only an hour, a day, a week, or a honeymoon, but rather to have an enduring happiness for eternity. “For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Mark 8:36).

So, we should consider what it means to be happy for eternity. There is no happiness for eternity without Christ. Many will miss out on eternal life by trying to gain it without Him. To live a meaningful life, we need Jesus to be our all in all.

If we want to achieve things in life, the only way is by maintaining a living connection with Him. “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me” (John 15:4).

Actually, most of us have good intentions in our lives, in society, and in the family. We all want things to run smoothly. But experience shows that the will is not capable enough to accomplish this. Besides the will, we need the power to carry it out. In Romans chapter 7, the apostle Paul describes the experience suffered when one has the will but is lacking in power.

Jesus states clearly, “Without me you can do nothing” in any domain of life—in our profession, in our social lives, in our private lives, and in our family lives.

Some may observe that there are so many achievers in our world—those who build skyscrapers, for example. It seems that they manage to do quite a bit without direct involvement with Christ. Let us realize, however, that when Jesus says, “Without me you can do nothing,” He means nothing lasting to eternity. If we want to do meaningful things—things that are to last forever—we need to be abiding in Him and He in us. Then we will not merely have that trying-and-failing experience, but rather it will be a glorious experience like the apostle Paul reached when he realized how things really work and he was able to testify, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” (Philippians 4:13).

No matter what you try, whatever your means are, whatever you can afford, you will finally end up coming to the same conclusion: Happiness or unhappiness depends on the presence or on the absence of Christ in our lives—for “the presence of Christ alone can make men and women happy.”1

A happy man and a happy woman together are very likely to form a happy family because they have this common denominator—Jesus Christ. Although they may differ in some aspects of life, at least they have Christ and are sharing this experience. Having Him as your personal Saviour and close Friend will make you happy. Bringing two such people together will boost their happiness even more, to reach a climax for eternity.

When Christ is in the heart, He is brought into the family. So we cannot just have Christ in our hearts without this experience impacting our family life. It will be felt in the quality of our relationships, leading to a sense of happiness and fulfillment.

Many people imagine that they are in love. But what they understand as love is not what real, genuine love is—which is the only love that can lead to lasting harmony. We may have the best intentions, but our unconverted heart cannot originate or produce this type of love because we are selfish by nature. We were born with this tendency towards selfishness, and it is selfishness that destroys relationships. Therefore the quality of our family life depends on the quality of our relationship with Christ.

“Love is of God. The unconverted heart cannot originate nor produce this plant of heavenly origin, which lives and flourishes only where Christ reigns.”2

“Religion is needed in the home. Only this can prevent the grievous wrongs which so often embitter married life. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish love. Then soul will be knit with soul, and the two lives will blend in harmony. Angels of God will be guests in the home, and their holy vigils will hallow the marriage chamber. Debasing sensuality will be banished. Upward to God will the thoughts be directed; to Him will the heart’s devotion ascend.”3

No matter how much we may desire this experience, we cannot generate it—because it is a plant of heavenly origin. Only this type of deep unselfish love can make a relationship that is lasting.

“The divine love emanating from Christ never destroys human love, but includes it. By it human love is refined and purified, elevated and ennobled. Human love can never bear its precious fruit until it is united with the Divine nature and trained to grow heavenward. Jesus wants to see happy marriages, happy firesides. The warmth of true friendship and the love that binds the hearts of husband and wife are a foretaste of heaven.”4

We all want the same thing! But human love is not able to accomplish this, for it is helpless when it comes to self-denial and self-sacrifice. It is only when human love is united to the divine nature and trained to grow heavenward that we will enjoy the genuine fruit of it. It is the desire of Jesus that we would be happy—not only with Him but also with one another. But the Testimonies reveal that this is actually a rare thing. It is the exception to the rule. In most cases, marriage is actually a galling yoke. But it is your chance and my chance to be the happy exception—to have a happy marriage, to experience this feeling of togetherness around the family fireside.

Sometimes people have problems in their married life. They notice that something is not working right in their marriage. So they may start asking friends or reading books or going to a marriage counseling office for help—which is not bad, by the way. But that is not enough; they need something more than just that. We need something supernatural; we need godly solutions to human problems. It is the grace of Christ, and this alone, that can make this institution what God designed it to be.

Practical Christianity is the result of our being in love with Christ. And our being in love with Christ will change our perspective in our relationships with one another. It will make us have a different understanding and, as a result, will cause us to have a different reaction to the many challenges of daily life.

“Christianity ought to have a controlling influence upon the marriage relation.”5

We will no longer lose our patience; we will no longer lose our temper, because there is some influence in control that acts like a kind of filter. When various emotions arise, this controlling influence will allow some to go forward and will restrain some others.

Many people say, “Oh, man, I blew it. I thought I was right, but I married the wrong person!” There is actually a book entitled, Everybody Marries the Wrong Person, which is a fact. You do not have 100% compatibility when you get married.

“If we are doers of the word, we shall daily bear the cross after Jesus, subdue self, and thus bring harmony into the home life. The sweetest type of heaven is a home where the Spirit of the Lord presides. If the will of God is fulfilled, the husband and wife will respect each other, and cultivate love and confidence. Anything that would mar the peace and unity of the family should be firmly repressed, and kindness and love should be cherished. He who manifests the spirit of tenderness, forbearance, and love will find that the same spirit will be reflected upon him. Where the Spirit of God reigns, there will be no talk of unsuitability in the marriage relation. If Christ indeed is formed within, the hope of glory, there will be union and love in the home. Christ abiding in the heart of the wife will be at agreement with Christ abiding in the heart of the husband. They will be striving together for the mansions Christ has gone to prepare . . .”6

The husband and wife will speak the same love language, because Christ is here and Christ is there—and Christ cannot be other than united.

When husbands face some problems at home, they sometimes start studying the nature of women. They begin reading books about the differences between men and women, about the way they think and feel differently so that they can try to make some sense about what is going on. But that will not help them very much. Instead of that, they should study something different. They should study the Pattern.

“Husbands should study the Pattern and seek to know what is meant by the symbol presented in Ephesians, the relation Christ sustains to the church. The husband is to be as a Saviour in his family. Will he stand in his noble, God-given manhood, ever seeking to uplift his wife and children? Will he breathe about him a pure, sweet atmosphere? Will he not as assiduously cultivate the love of Jesus, making it an abiding principle in his home, as he will assert his claims to authority? Let every husband and father study to understand the words of Christ, not in a one-sided manner, merely dwelling upon the subjection of the wife to her husband, but in the light of the cross of Calvary study as to his own position in the family circle.”7

Study the way Jesus loved the church. How did Jesus love the church? Conditionally or unconditionally? The Bible says that while we were still enemies, He died for us—not because of what we were like, but rather in spite of that. He loved us and died for us in spite of our unworthiness. We should study the Pattern. The more we study it, the more lenient we will become towards those around us. If they have shortcomings, if they commit mistakes, we can understand that, because we used to do that before and Christ had a lot of patience towards us. So husbands should study the Pattern—and not only study it, but imitate it. A husband is to be a saviour in his family. To be a saviour means sacrifice. The dimension of this is expressed in the Bible verse: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25).

Considering this love, beholding it, contemplating it, we are changed into the same image from glory to glory by the Spirit of the Lord. This solves marital problems. It brings us closer to the purpose God has always had for the family institution, and it will make us experience that genuine joy and happiness of togetherness.

“All who are under the training of God need the quiet hour for communion with their own hearts, with nature, and with God. . . . We must individually hear Him speaking to the heart. When every other voice is hushed, and in quietness we wait before Him, the silence of the soul makes more distinct the voice of God.”8

If we take this quiet hour for communion with God, for introspection to try to understand ourselves, the circumstances in our lives and our relationships, then our reactions will change.

Some might say, “We are too busy for that! We live in this challenging world, and there is no time! Who can afford a whole hour—60 minutes of just doing nothing!” But, in reality, if we do not take this time, it will have such a damaging impact on our lives that nothing will be able to compensate for it.

The Lord “bids us, ‘Be still, and know that I am God’ (Psalm 46:10). This is the effectual preparation for all labor for God. Amidst the hurrying throng, and the strain of life’s intense activities, he who is thus refreshed will be surrounded with an atmosphere of light and peace.”9

Have you ever tried to argue with a person surrounded with an atmosphere of light and peace? You will never manage to have an argument with such a person, because it will not work.

The adorning should not be an outward adorning of gold and apparel, but rather “the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit” (1 Peter 3:4). I like the way this is expressed in the Bible. The translators do not use the word “character” as such, but they convey the notion of character by referring to “the hidden man of the heart.” Take time to improve your character under the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Trust in God by being in subjection. Of course, we do it because we love it. Develop the qualities of true charity found in 1 Corinthians 13:4–7.

What is the connection between the quality of our family relationship and our eternal destiny?

“Home religion is greatly needed, and our words in the home should be of a right character, or our testimonies in church will amount to nothing. Unless you manifest meekness, kindness, and courtesy in your home, your religion will be in vain. If there were more genuine home religion, there would be more power in the church.”10

You cannot have a disastrous life at home and still be a great Christian. We might experience problems, but we should not be the source of those problems. We should manifest meekness, kindness, and courtesy. Can we do that? Without Christ, never. With Christ, we can always do it. Unless we do it, our religion will be in vain.

When God considers us, He will consider our family relationship—not the way we sing, not the way we preach, not the way we pray, not the way we give lectures or recite poems.

“If we would enjoy eternal bliss, we must cultivate religion in the home; for the home is to be the center of the purest and most elevated affection. . . . The plant of love must be carefully nourished, else it will die.”11

How can we cultivate our relationship in the home? By first cultivating our personal relationship with Christ. If Christ is in our hearts, this will impact our family life.

There needs to be a continuity. The way we are at home needs to be a heaven on earth. The servant of the Lord wrote:

“Among the members of the household there is ever to be a kind, thoughtful consideration. Morning and evening let all hearts be united in reverent worship. At the season of evening worship, let every member of the family search well his own heart. Let every wrong that has been committed be made right. If, during the day, one has wronged another, or spoken unkindly, let the transgressor seek pardon of the one he has injured. Often grievances are cherished in the mind, and misunderstandings and heartaches are created that need not be. If the one who is suspected of wrong be given an opportunity, he might be able to make explanations that would bring relief to other members of the family.”12

“Satan is ever ready to take advantage when any matter of variance arises, and by moving upon the objectionable, hereditary traits of character in husband or wife, he will try to cause the alienation of those who have united their interests in a solemn covenant before God. In the marriage vows they have promised to be as one, the wife covenanting to love and obey her husband, the husband promising to love and cherish his wife. If the law of God is obeyed, the demon of strife will be kept out of the family, and no separation of interests will take place, no alienation of affection will be permitted.”13

“To a large extent parents create the atmosphere of the home circle, and when there is disagreement between father and mother, the children partake of the same spirit. Make your home atmosphere fragrant with tender thoughtfulness.”14

Actually, we do not argue about real things. When we argue, it is because we are separated from Christ.

“The closer we come to Christ, the nearer we shall be to one another.”15

Coming closer to Christ means that we will come closer to one another.

“We can never see the kingdom of heaven unless we have the mind and spirit of Christ. Then copy the pattern at home, at your work, and in the church. . . . While doing all that you can on your part to perfect Christian character, give your heart to God for Him to mold according to His pleasure. He will help you; I know He will.”16