April-June
If you’re like most people, you have probably wondered at one point or another what others think of you, and you hoped it was positive rather than negative. The truth is that many of us aspire to be successful one day so that when our name is spoken people immediately think, “Oh him/her? The student with the 4.0 GPA who was accepted to Yale University? Or the CEO of that huge company? Or perhaps you want to be known as someone who donates thousands to charity or goes on mission trips and volunteers at non-profit organizations.
It is interesting that when we speak with others, we unconsciously let out what defines us and gives meaning and purpose to our lives. We speak of our accomplishments and dreams as a way of unconsciously validating our importance. This is why the Bible says, “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh” (Matthew 12:34). And while there is nothing inherently wrong with any one of these aspirations, if we place our identity in our accomplishments, we may end up spending the majority of our life feeling that we haven’t achieved enough.
You may ask yourself, “How can I feel loved and fulfilled in the absence of personal accomplishments or validation from others?” You may wonder if someone was ever even able to reach such a point. However, one of the best examples of someone who felt loved and fulfilled, no matter what his accomplishments were, was John, the youngest of the twelve disciples.
We notice that John had not introduce himself by his name or by mentioning one of his accomplishments. Rather, he introduces himself as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (John 21:20). Why did John mention that fact? Wasn’t it obvious that Jesus loved everyone? John felt this was special because Jesus was his identity. John lived feeling loved rather than needing to be loved. John knew that he was unconditionally loved by his Saviour, and therefore had everything his soul needed. He did not live to prove anything to anyone because his validation came from the One who gave His life just for him. John didn’t live to make himself a name in the world. John did not live to earn the love of anyone. Instead, he lived knowing that he was continuously loved by the Creator of the universe.
As you read about how close and loving was John’s relationship with Jesus, you may think, “I could never be the beloved son or daughter of Jesus because I am not lovable.” Let me ask you then, “Have you ever been given the nickname the “son or daughter of thunder?” “Of course not,” you say, but when Jesus first met John, He gave him the nickname “the son of thunder.” In fact, John was everything but lovable when he first met Jesus. He was proud, reckless, revengeful, ever pursuing honor thinking that it would give him fulfillment. So, how did Jesus switch from calling John “the son of thunder” to “John, the beloved apostle”?
John was the disciple who had wanted to sit on the right hand of Christ’s throne when he would establish His kingdom. When the Samaritans refused to accept Jesus into their town, John asked, “Lord, wilt thou that we command fire to come down from heaven, and consume them, even as Elias did?” (Luke 9:54.) John was transformed from the proud and harsh man he once was to a gentle “apostle of love.” The main theme of his letters to the churches was love. How did he have such a transformation? Every single day he lived in the very presence of Love Himself. Every moment he was with Jesus, John let the Saviour’s love fill his heart up to overflowing. He felt so complete in that love that he wanted others to experience what he had found.
As John spent more time with Jesus, his one desire became to be like Him. He felt that no other title or accomplishment was greater than this. Hence, he wrote, “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:2). He spent every opportunity to be as close to Jesus as possible. At the very last dinner the disciples had with Jesus, John was leaning his head on Jesus’ chest. And in Jesus’ most trying moments as He was hanging on the cross, when the other disciples forsook Him, John still stood closest to the foot of His cross. He stayed with Jesus until His last moments. John was so close to Jesus that he was entrusted with the care of His mother. What greater honor could one attain than to earn the trust of Jesus?
John didn’t have any special advantages that are not available to us. He was human just as we are; he had the same struggles as we do. But the transformation which took place in his life can also happen with us.
Just like most of us, John longed for something more than the shallow affection of others; he looked beyond the achievements of this world. He longed to be like Jesus. Since John was the youngest of the disciples, he looked up to Jesus just like a child looks up to his father. John admired Christ’s lovely character, wishing so much that he, too, could be filled with some of that love. But with some of us, the problem is that we find it hard to be changed by Christ. We may say, “Well this is just who I am. I’m a hopeless case.” John never felt that way. Instead, with the trusting spirit of a child, he opened his heart to Jesus, allowing every word of Christ to be planted in his heart, until those seeds of love grew bigger and stronger, transforming him into a completely new person.
As I studied the life of John, I wondered what will our relationship with Jesus be when we get to heaven and see Him face to face? Will we be in awe of Him and fall at His feet to worship Him? Or will we just meet Him for morning worship and ask Him for “travelling mercies” before embarking on our journey of exploring the universe? Perhaps, would we come back to worship Him in the evening, according to the routine we are so used to here on earth? Or will we run to Him like a lost child who finally found His Father? Will we hug Him and, together with John, rest our head near His heart because it feels like home. This is the kind of close relationship we should be having with Jesus today even before we meet Him face to face. I’m not really sure what He would say to us. But I hope with all my heart that He will say, “Welcome home, my beloved child.”