To be a good father is a secret which very few realize. An ideal father is tender, compassionate, full of sympathy, and love for everyone in the household. He will show patience and restrain his anger when provoked, either by circumstances or by someone in the family or in society. He will show mature judgment in every aspect of daily life. He will wisely direct all plans to be followed in his household.

“The father is to stand at the head of his family, not as an overgrown, undisciplined boy, but as a man with manly character and with his passions controlled. He is to obtain an education in correct morals. His conduct in his home life is to be directed and restrained by the pure principles of the word of God.”2

The father is usually away from home during the day. He is engaged in earning the livelihood for the family. His work may be in the factory, in an office, or in a commercial enterprise. If the family lives in the country, the father may be engaged in the cultivation of the soil, plowing, planting, or harvesting. The great share of the responsibilities of the household falls upon the wife. As the husband arrives home, his countenance should glow with joy when he sees his wife smiling, and his children running to meet him at the gate, ready to hug him. It is possible that the routine of his work has not been running as smoothly as it should, the business has not been so profitable as far as the income is concerned, or that other inconveniences have caused him to frown. An ideal father will remember to leave all these worries outside the gate and take to his household a pleasant countenance.

“The father should study how to make the mother happy. He should not allow himself to come to his home with a clouded brow. If he is perplexed in business, he should not, unless it is actually necessary to counsel with his wife, trouble her with such matters. She has cares and trials of her own to bear, and she should be tenderly spared every needless burden.”3

“Whatever may be his calling and its perplexities, let the father take into his home the same smiling countenance and pleasant tones with which he has all day greeted visitors and strangers. Let the wife feel that she can lean upon the large affections of her husband—that his arms will strengthen and uphold her through all her toils and cares, that his influence will sustain hers—and her burden will lose half its weight.”4

When he arrives home at the end of the day, if his wife was not able to have the dinner ready, he should join in by giving her a helping hand in the preparation of the evening meal. If the children have some need of bathing, let the father take care of these needs and lighten the burden of the mother. His involvement in the home will have an impact upon the minds of the children, and when they are grown up they will imitate their father.

“The children look to their father for support and guidance; he needs to have a right conception of life and of the influences and associations that should surround his family; above all, he should be controlled by the love and fear of God and by the teaching of His word, that he may guide the feet of his children in the right way.”5

A father should understand his duty and responsibility to teach his children. In the first years of existence, the father, together with the mother, should educate their children in the ways of life. That which the little ones learn in their young ages, they will not forget throughout their lives. The character of the children should be molded when they are still very young. The father has the duty especially to educate the sons. He cannot afford to neglect his duty without encountering the result of his neglect. The Lord will hold him accountable if he does not fulfill his responsibility. A good father will not only feel the obligation to train up his children, but he will find enjoyment in doing such a noble work. His heart will be filled with satisfaction when he sees the result of his work.

The father is responsible not only to teach the children how to read and write, but also to educate them in right habits and practices. He will not only impose on his children duties and burdens, but he will set a right example before them, showing that he has learned to place himself under the control of God. The family of such a father will be a blessing to the world and to the church.

“If the father would have his children develop harmonious characters, and be an honor to him and a blessing to the world, he has a special work to do. God holds him responsible for that work. In the great day of reckoning it will be asked him: Where are the children that I entrusted to your care to educate for Me, that their lips might speak My praise, and their lives be as a diadem of beauty in the world, and they live to honor Me through all eternity?”6

“During the first few years of a child’s life the molding of the disposition is committed principally to the mother; but she should ever feel that in her work she has the cooperation of the father. If he is engaged in business which almost wholly closes the door of usefulness to his family, he should seek other employment which will not prevent him from devoting some time to his children. If he neglects them, he is unfaithful to the trust committed to him of God.”7

In a happy family, the father will never leave the home without first gathering the members of the family for a devotional service. He is the priest of the family. The wife and children should join the father in singing, reading the word of God, and praying, asking God’s protection for the day.

“In a sense the father is the priest of the household, laying upon the family altar the morning and evening sacrifice. But the wife and children should unite in prayer and join in the song of praise. In the morning before he leaves home for his daily labor, let the father gather his children about him and, bowing before God, commit them to the care of the Father in heaven. When the cares of the day are past, let the family unite in offering grateful prayer and raising the song of praise, in acknowledgment of divine care during the day.”8

From the experience of Abraham and other patriarchs we learn that they offered to God morning and evening sacrifices. These are represented today by the morning and evening worship offered to God. In the morning the protection and guidance of the Lord must be sought, and at the end of the day the family should meet together again to thank the Lord for the ministry of the holy angels. At the same time they should ask the Lord to be with them during the night, that they may renew their strength and awaken in the morning refreshed for the day’s duties.

“There should be a fixed time to rise in the morning, a time for breakfast, and a time for prayer, either directly before or directly after the morning meal. How appropriate it is for parents to gather their children about them before their fast is broken, and direct their young minds to our heavenly Father, who bestows upon us the bounties of His providence. Let them thank God for protecting them during the night, and ask for help and grace and the watchcare of angels through the day.”9

“The father, who is the priest of his household, should conduct the morning and evening worship. There is no reason why this should not be the most interesting and enjoyable exercise of the home life, and God is dishonored when it is made dry and irksome. Let the seasons of family worship be short and spirited. Do not let your children or any member of your family dread them because of their tediousness or lack of interest. When a long chapter is read and ex-plained and a long prayer offered, this precious service becomes wearisome, and it is a relief when it is over.”10

Nothing is more pleasant than to know that children have full trust and confidence in their parents. The father should spend much time with their children, especially while they are small. He should have dialogues with them. Children have brains as well as adults do; they are thinking persons. A nice conversation with the children has a better effect on their education than scolding or punishment.

“Take time to read to your children from the health books, as well as from the books treating more particularly on religious subjects. Teach them the importance of caring for the body—the house they live in. Form a home reading circle, in which every member of the family shall lay aside the busy cares of the day and unite in study. Fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, take up this work heartily, and see if the home church will not be greatly improved.”11

The father who does not take time to be with his children will regret his mistake later. In some instances it will be too late to redeem the past. When children are interested to talk to their father and have a desire to be heard by him, he often says: “I have no time now; I am very busy.” When they will grow up without developing a close friendship with their father, children will be busy with unimportant matters or even detrimental topics, and though the father may wish to talk to them, they will say: “Sorry, Dad, I have no time. When I wished to talk to you in my childhood, you were always busy. You never took time to listen to me. Now I am busy, with no time to listen to you.” The words of inspiration give a solemn warning to such a father:

“ ‘No time,’ says the father, ‘I have no time to give to the training of my children, no time for social and domestic enjoyments.’ Then you should not have taken upon yourself the responsibility of a family. By withholding from them the time which is justly theirs, you rob them of the education which they should have at your hands. If you have children, you have a work to do, in union with the mother, in the formation of their characters. Those who feel that they have an imperative call to labor for the improvement of society, while their own children grow up undisciplined, should inquire if they have not mistaken their duty. Their own household is the first missionary field in which parents are required to labor. Those who leave the home garden to grow up to thorns and briers, while they manifest great interest in the cultivation of their neighbor’s plot of ground, are disregarding the word of God.”12

“The average father wastes many golden opportunities to attract and bind his children to him. Upon returning home from his business, he should find it a pleasant change to spend some time with his children.”13

“The father should not become so absorbed in business life or in the study of books that he cannot take time to study the natures and necessities of his children. He should help in devising ways by which they may be kept busy in useful labor agreeable to their varying dispositions.

“Fathers, spend as much time as possible with your children. Seek to become acquainted with their various dispositions, that you may know how to train them in harmony with the word of God.”14

It is very often the case that the father is absorbed in the struggle for a livelihood or is bent on acquiring wealth, and he allows the mother to carry most of the burdens which overtax her strength. The result is feebleness and disease in the wife and mother. The father should share the home burdens instead of leaving them to his companion.

On other occasions the mother meets with cold reserve from the father. If the routine of life does not run smoothly or as pleasantly as the husband would like it to be, he blames his wife for the lack of success. In doing this he is working against his own happiness and interest.

“Too often [the father] returns home bringing with him his cares and business perplexities to overshadow the family, and if he does not find everything just to his mind at home, he gives expression to his feelings in impatience and faultfinding. He can boast of what he has achieved through the day, but the mother’s work, to his mind, amounts to little, or is at least undervalued. To him her cares appear trifling. She has only to cook the meals, look after the children, sometimes a large family of them, and keep the house in order. She has tried all day to keep the domestic machinery running smoothly. She has tried, though tired and perplexed, to speak kindly and cheerfully, and to instruct the children and keep them in the right path. All this has cost effort and much patience on her part. She cannot, in her turn, boast of what she has done. It seems to her as though she has accomplished nothing.”15

A good father will understand and appreciate the cares and hardships that his wife endures. She is usually confined to a round of house duties which are not easy to accomplish. When the father arrives home, he should bring sunshine to the family circle. He will help his wife in the finishing of the food she is preparing. He will remember that his wife has been the nurse, the cook, the cleaner, the housemaid, and her efforts will be deeply appreciated for what she has done in the home.

The ideal father will understand and condescend to take a worrying child from the arms of his or her mother, so that his wife may accomplish her unfinished task. If the child is restless, he will try to appease him or her; he will act as a nurse or a janitor. He will remember that his wife has spent many hours doing this work. The child belongs to both, and he feels under a sacred obligation to take part in the burden of rearing the child.

The exemplary father will not spend his time in doing simply nothing. An indolent man will always be in need and poverty. A good father will be diligent and with honesty and sacrifice will earn the daily bread. He will be faithful in his employment. He will allow no cheating. No deception will be seen in his dealings whether in the home or abroad. He will practice hospitality, entertain visitors in his home, and help the needy and the poor.

A good father and husband will always remember the commitment he made at the wedding altar, to be faithful and maintain that vow. If perplexities and disappointments occur in his married life, or if his expectations are not fulfilled as he thought before marriage, he will show tolerance, forbearance, patience, and love, which will surmount mountains of difficulties. His thoughts will always be holy, elevated and noble, and he will not permit the thought of separating from her whom he chose to be his partner for life.

“How careful should the husband and father be to maintain his loyalty to his marriage vows. How circumspect should be his character, lest he shall encourage thoughts in young girls, or even in married women, that are not in accordance with the high, holy standard­—the commandments of God. Those commandments Christ shows to be exceedingly broad, reaching even the thoughts, intents, and purposes of the heart. Here is where many are delinquent. Their heart imaginings are not of the pure, holy character which God requires; and however high their calling, however talented they may be, God will mark iniquity against them and will count them as far more guilty and deserving of His wrath than those who have less talent, less light, less influence.”16

The reward will be granted to a faithful, caring, diligent, honest, and good father who fears the Lord, even in this earth. The psalmist writes:

“Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways. For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be, and it shall be well with thee. Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord” (Psalm 128:1–4).

“Then, Christian friends, fathers and mothers, let your light grow dim—no, never! Let your heart grow faint, or your hands weary­—no, never! And by and by the portals of the celestial city will be opened to you; and you may present yourselves and your children before the throne, saying, ‘Here am I, and the children whom Thou hast given me.’ And what a reward for faithfulness that will be, to see your children crowned with immortal life in the beautiful city of God!”17

“I saw you struggling with poverty, seeking to support yourself and your children. Many times you knew not what to do; the future looked dark and uncertain. In your distress you cried unto the Lord, and He comforted and helped you, and hopeful rays of light shone around you. How precious was God to you at such times! how sweet His comforting love! You felt that you had a precious treasure laid up in heaven.”18

“In your work for your children take hold of the mighty power of God. Commit your children to the Lord in prayer. Work earnestly and untiringly for them. God will hear your prayers and will draw them to Himself. Then, at the last great day, you can bring them to God, saying, ‘Here am I, and the children whom Thou hast given me.’ ”19