The law in most countries requires proof that someone contributed to a problem to be found guilty. The rationale is that even though there may be several factors surrounding each case, your contribution may have been the significant factor leading to a connection.

This seems to be similar to the way we will be judged by the One who knows all.

“Provoke not the youth to wrath. Stir not up in them, by unjust charges and harsh treatment, the impulse to act rashly. Often those who ought to know how to deal with the youth drive them away from God by injudicious words and actions. God records such treatment of the youth as a sin against Himself. Treat the tempted ones in a way that will draw them to you as a friend who will not misjudge or hurt them.”2

“Remember that if by the injudicious use of your pen you close the door to even one soul, that soul will confront you in the judgment.”3

“We must expect to meet and bear with great imperfections in those who are young and inexperienced. Christ has bidden us seek to restore such in the spirit of meekness, and He holds us responsible for pursuing a course which will drive them to discouragement, despair, and ruin.”4

DIVIDED LOVE—Serving two masters, worldly associates.

UNFULFILLED—Lacking love and support.

MISMANAGEMENT—Under/over trust and restriction.

POOR ROLE MODELS—Parents, peers, and ministry.

There are few youth who have a negative view about Jesus when they leave the church. Typically, He is still regarded as a loving Saviour or at least the subject of a loving story. Generally, youth do not stop loving Jesus. They simply love and believe in other things more strongly, just as Eve believed the serpent more than she did God. Since Jesus never imposes His love upon any, it is easy to gradually lose sight of Him as we become absorbed in the things the world has to offer. The Bible clearly states that we cannot divide our love:

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24).

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world” (1 John 2:15, 16).

How is this love for the things of the world developed?

“Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners” (1 Corinthians 15:33).

“It has been truly said, ‘Show me your company, and I will show you your character.’ The youth fail to realize how sensibly both their character and their reputation are affected by their choice of associates. One seeks the company of those whose tastes and habits and practices are congenial. He who prefers the society of the ignorant and vicious to that of the wise and good, shows that his own character is defective. His tastes and habits may at first be altogether dissimilar to the tastes and habits of those whose company he seeks; but as he mingles with this class, his thoughts and feelings change; he sacrifices right principles, and insensibly yet unavoidably sinks to the level of his companions.”5

The youth who leave the church often state the following reasons for their departure:

Loneliness.

Lack of inspiration.

Unresolved theological conflicts.

Abundant criticism with little support and encouragement.

Clearly their life lacks fulfillment in the church. In many cases parents and members are to blame for this. Rather than loving (through kindness with firmness) and supporting the youth, they slander and criticize.

“The teacher can do much to discourage that evil habit, the curse of the community, the neighborhood, and the home—the habit of backbiting, gossip, ungenerous criticism. . . . We think with horror of the cannibal who feasts on the still warm and trembling flesh of his victim; but are the results of even this practice more terrible than are the agony and ruin caused by misrepresenting motive, blackening reputation, dissecting character?”6

(The Webster’s Dictionary defines backbite as “to say mean or spiteful things about who is absent.”)

“We cannot help the Christless by finding fault with them.”7

“Very much has been lost to the cause of truth by a lack of attention to the spiritual needs of the young. Ministers of the gospel should form a happy acquaintance with the youth of their congregations. Many are reluctant to do this, but their neglect is a sin in the sight of Heaven. . . .

“Why should not labor for the youth in our borders be regarded as missionary work of the highest kind? It requires the most delicate tact, the most watchful consideration, the most earnest prayer for heavenly wisdom. The youth are the objects of Satan’s special attacks; but kindness, courtesy, and the sympathy which flows from a heart filled with love to Jesus, will gain their confidence, and save them from many a snare of the enemy.”8

“None who deal with the young should be ironhearted, but affectionate, tender, pitiful, courteous, winning, and companionable; yet they should know that reproofs must be given. . . . Excessive indulgence and undue severity are alike to be avoided. While vigilance and firmness are indispensable, so also are sympathy and tenderness. . . . Strengthen every good impulse; encourage every noble action.”9

“Children need appreciation, sympathy, and encouragement, but care should be taken not to foster in them a love of praise. It is not wise to give them special notice, or to repeat before them their clever sayings. The parent or teacher who keeps in view the true ideal of character and the possibilities of achievement, cannot cherish or encourage self-sufficiency. He will not encourage in the youth the desire or effort to display their ability or proficiency. He who looks higher than himself will be humble; yet he will possess a dignity that is not abashed or disconcerted by outward display or human greatness.”10

“Even kindness must have its limits. Authority must be sustained by a firm severity, or it will be received by many with mockery and contempt.”11

“Dear young friends, what is your aim in life? Are you ambitious for education that you may one day have a name and position in the world? Have you thoughts that you dare not express, that you may one day stand upon the summit of intellectual greatness; that you may sit in deliberative and legislative councils, and help to enact laws for the nation? There is nothing wrong in lofty aspirations. You may every one of you make your mark. You should be content with no mean attainments. Aim high, and spare no pains to reach the standard.

“But remember that the ‘fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,’ and lies at the foundation of all true greatness. Integrity, unswerving integrity, is the principle that you need to carry with you into all the relations of life. Balanced by religious principle, you may climb to any height you please.”12

“If the youth today would stand as Daniel stood, they must put to the stretch every spiritual nerve and muscle. The Lord does not desire that they shall remain novices. He wishes them to reach the highest round of the ladder, that they may step from it into the kingdom of God.”13

“God calls upon the young men and young women to make the most of their entrusted ability. He would have you cultivate habits of industry, habits of study, that you may improve the talents He has given you. God will accept your service, and the improvement of your talents, but He cannot look with approval upon half-hearted, halfway work. Every branch of God’s work calls for the exercise of the highest ability; it demands that you shall bring into requisition every available help, that you shall direct your noblest impulses to the propagation of the truth.”14

“The youth must be impressed with the idea that they are trusted. They have a sense of honor, and they want to be respected, and it is their right. If pupils receive the impression that they cannot go out or come in, sit at the table, or be anywhere, even in their rooms, except they are watched, a critical eye is upon them to criticize and report, it will have the influence to demoralize, and pastime will have no pleasure in it. . . . But this constant watchfulness is not natural and produces evils that it is seeking to avoid. The healthfulness of youth requires exercise, cheerfulness, and a happy, pleasant atmosphere surrounding them for the development of physical health and symmetrical character.”15

“Youth cannot be made as sedate and grave as old age, the child as sober as the sire. While sinful amusements are condemned, as they should be, let parents, teachers, and guardians of youth provide in their stead innocent pleasures, which will not taint or corrupt the morals. Do not bind down the young to rigid rules and restraints that will lead them to feel themselves oppressed and to break over and rush into paths of folly and destruction. With a firm, kind, considerate hand, hold the lines of government, guiding and controlling their minds and purposes, yet so gently, so wisely, so lovingly, that they will still know that you have their best good in view.”16

Scientific studies into the behavior of young people have shown that they are more likely to imitate what they observe than do what they are told. This natural law has prompted the Lord to place high emphasis on our example.

“That the aged men be sober, grave, temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience. The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:2–5).

Departing youth often cite hypocrisy as the chief reason why they became disillusioned with religion. The youth need worthy examples from parents, ministers, and church leaders to counter the influence of negative peer groups. However, we must also remember to instruct the youth not to look to men and women:

“Very many of the parents who profess to believe the solemn message for this time have not trained their children for God. They have not restrained themselves and have been irritated with anyone who attempted to restrain them. They have not by living faith daily bound their children upon the altar of the Lord. Many of these youth have been allowed to transgress the fourth commandment by seeking their own pleasure upon God’s holy day. They have felt no compunctions of conscience in going about the streets on the Sabbath for their own amusement. Many go where they please and do what they please, and their parents are so fearful of displeasing them that, imitating the management of Eli, they lay no commands upon them.

“These youth finally lose all respect for the Sabbath and have no relish for religious meetings or for sacred and eternal things. If their parents mildly remonstrate with them, they shield themselves by telling of the faults of some of the church members. In place of silencing the first approach to anything of the kind, the parents think just as their children think; if this one or that one were perfect, their children would be right. Instead of this they should teach them that the sins of others are no excuse for them. Christ is the only true pattern. The wrongs of many would not excuse one wrong in them or lessen in the least their guilt. God has given them one standard, perfect, noble, elevated. This they must meet, irrespective of the course which others may pursue.”17

“The father may exert an influence over his children which shall be stronger than the allurements of the world. He should study the disposition and character of the members of his little circle, that he may understand their needs and their dangers and thus be prepared to repress the wrong and encourage the right.”18

“The sphere of the mother may be humble; but her influence, united with the father’s, is as abiding as eternity. Next to God, the mother’s power for good is the strongest known on earth.”19

“Ministers should set the youth a worthy example, one corresponding to their holy calling. They should help the young to be frank, yet modest and dignified in all their associations.”20

Preachers should also ensure that there are no unsubstantiated views put forward, and that the message be well balanced rather than reflecting the extreme liberal or legalistic position they may have. Let us consider what is on the minds of our youth.

Young people live in a world of:

1. Daily pressures.

2. Challenges.

3. Different social structures.

4. Stimulating ideas.

They are inundated with options from:

1. Food choices.

2. Reading material.

3. Clothing.

4. Schools.

5. Degrees.

6. Entertainment.

7. Transportation.

8. Jobs.

9. Intimate companions.

Because of the “breakdown” in society and at home many youth are drawn into a “self-protection” state, by which they hesitate to commit themselves to anything—even to doing God’s will. And if they do actually make a commitment to Christ and thus to the church, they will have certain expectations from:

1. Youth will relate to someone to whom Christ is real.

2. They will relate to someone who has concrete reasons about what they believe. Their question is not “what” you believe, but “why” you believe.

3. They will relate to someone who is ready to listen.

Because we have studied the Word of God for a long time, we begin to think that we have “all the knowledge.” However, someone recently made this keen observation: “I can learn an incredible amount from the youth; they are on the cutting edge of information.”

4. They will relate to someone who enjoys their company and is willing to serve them. Invite them to your homes on Friday, or Saturday evenings. Visit them where they live, arrange to meet them for refreshments, discuss some of their difficulties. If they are willing, spend time with them; it demonstrates our commitment to them. In time of crisis, they will come to us, because they have learned to trust us.

1. A warm atmosphere

Some youth do not have warm, loving homes; others may have a good family, but if the church is “icy cold” they are turned away.

2. Uncritical acceptance

Sometimes the church’s expectations cause a strain on the youth. Therefore we need to deal carefully if commenting on their style of dress, their attitudes and their friends. Lead them tenderly as lambs, and show the right way by example.

3. Open heart to discuss issues

We should ask the youth what topics they would like to discuss. It is essential to hear them without criticizing. Give them an opportunity to open their hearts. They may do this after they see that we have open hearts.

4. Participation

The youth are generally resourceful and talented. We should involve them in church activities and have their talents appreciated. Discover their practical skills and interests, such as:

a. Teaching Sabbath School class.

b. Singing in the choir.

c. Giving Bible studies.

d. Speaking in public.

e. Social programs and activities.

Young people love a church that is “doing something.” If the church does not fill their social needs, they will find ways to meet them outside the church. There should be a social committee, and let youth set the agenda with the guidance of parents or mature youth leaders.

Organize Bible reading sessions. Have group discussions, workshops. Conduct youth gatherings where they can express themselves in regard to their beliefs, their outlook on life, their attitudes to the church and doctrines. Encourage them to present topics from the Word of God that are dear to their hearts. Encourage in them a missionary spirit, involve them in planning missionary efforts. This will give them a sense of belonging, a sense that their contribution is appreciated.

Above all, show them by a living example what Christ means to you, and leave the rest to the Lord.

It is with prayer that I have put these words together in the hope that we will all be more aware of the needs of our youth, to be understanding, and to be aware of the dangers and temptations to which our young people are exposed. May the Lord be with every parent, every minister, and every church as we train our children and young people in His ways.