You can begin to find out who is the right person for you by first making a commitment to yourself not to lower your Christian values to please anyone, no matter who they are. If a person respects you for who you are as a person, including your values, then you are on the right track. Next, ask yourself the following questions regarding the person whom you are considering as a future spouse:

Does this person have similar values to mine? Decide on those values that are important to you both. Discuss them openly. Don’t think you need to compromise principle for love. If this person is making you feel like that would be necessary, then that is not the right one for you.

Will this person increase my love for God? Are you both spiritually minded? Do you both have a consistent devotional life? Do you both put God first in everything? If the answer is yes, then you are on the right track.

Can we be more useful serving God together than alone? This is about glorifying God in our life, developing a character after the likeness of Christ, and being a blessing to those around you. This person must be a help to you in this regard and not a hindrance.

Are our goals in life compatible?

Do your personalities match or do they clash? It is normal to have disagreements, but if you are always in conflict, that could be an indicator that this relationship is not going to work out.

Do you feel comfortable being who you really are around him/her? This is important. In a marriage relationship, each of you needs to be able to be yourself. This means accepting each other for who you are, faults and all. Sure, you may not like what you see in each other, and if you want to change yourself by the grace of God for the better, that’s great. But if you feel like you must be someone who you are not when you are with that person, then he/she is not the right one for you.

Will the other person love and respect you? Do they respect their parents? If they have difficulty respecting their parents, particularly if their parents are Christians, then it is questionable whether they will end up loving and respecting you.

Along with these questions, ask advice of those who know you well and who are godly people. “In the multitude of counsellors there is safety” (Proverbs 11:14).

Above all else, go to God until you know for yourself that He is leading in the matter. Ask counsel of the Source of wisdom. He has promised: “Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and shew thee great and mighty things, which thou knowest not” (Jeremiah 33:3). How will God answer? Through His Word, through His providence, and through the promptings of His Spirit.

I remember in my early twenties I was struggling with finding a life partner. I had just ended a friendship with someone whom I thought was “the one.” So, I prayed to the Lord a simple prayer: “Dear Father, please find me someone who loves You, who will love me, and whom I can love.” After praying that prayer, I just left it all with Him, trusting that He heard me. And He did. About 18 months later, my future wife and I crossed paths in a way that was quite unexpected, but which was an answer to my prayer. Knowing that I could answer yes to all the important questions gave me confidence that God was indeed leading us together. By making spiritual considerations the priority, our relationship was built on a solid foundation that has carried us through all the trials of life. Remember, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). Let God join you, and nothing can separate you.

Spiritual life: Do they love Jesus? Do they have a personal relationship with Him? What are their most important Christian values? Do they have morning and evening worship? Do they have an active devotional life? Do they love Bible study? Do they share their Christian experience with others?

Family aspirations: What are their thoughts in regard to children—do they want to have a family or not? If so, how many children? Would adoption be an option? Things like this are important for you to know about someone before you get married.

Finances: What is their attitude toward money? Are they able to save money? Can they manage their money well? Do they want a joint bank account, or do they want to keep their own finances separate from yours?

Household management: What is their attitude towards running a household? Do they see their role as complementary to yours? How will the household duties be divided? Who will take care of maintenance and repairs? Who will take out the trash or do the dishes? There is no right or wrong answer here, but you both need to be clear about your expectations.

Home location: Where do they want to live? City or country? Near to their family and relatives or far away?

Health check: Do they have any health problems or a family history of them? This is especially important in consideration of congenital diseases and their possible bearing on any children you might decide to have.

Anger management: How do they deal with stress? If they do get angry, how do they express anger? Do they have self-control or are they easily agitated or impatient? Is their manner of expressing their anger appropriate for a Christian?

Cultural considerations: Does their cultural background blend with yours, or would it create a lot of tension in the home?

Vocational life: Do they have any career plans or aspirations that might interfere with your goals as a family? Are they prepared to give them up for the sake of the marriage or what things would they still want to accomplish even if married?

Family relations: What is their relationship with their parents like? Did they have a stable upbringing or was it a dysfunctional family life? How do they think this will impact their own relationship with you if you end up marrying them?

Sexual purity: What is their attitude towards sexual relations in marriage? Have they had a sexual relationship with anyone else? Are there any children from a prior relationship? 
?

Flirting is not acceptable. A person who flirts “plays” with the other person’s feelings. By definition of the word, he or she has no intentions of a serious relationship with the other person. Ellen White calls this type of conduct “stealing the affections” (The Adventist Home, p. 58). Flirting is actually breaking the eighth commandment. And how hurtful it is to the person who is the victim? Usually the person who is the flirt has no idea how badly the other party feels; otherwise he/she might have been more careful of their actions. Too often the flirt only thinks of himself/herself. Be careful to treat everyone the same, and don’t spend an excessive amount of time with one person in whom you have no special interest.